Kia Kaha

I have struggled to find the words for this week’s blog – this week it is not about Crossfit. I am somewhat embarrassed now, looking back at last week’s entry; my comment that good days don’t last was made with no comprehension that an event so terrible, of such a scale, and so close to home could transpire.

I am a Cantabrian, I have lived in Christchurch for close to 30 years, it is my home, my community, my place.

It was shortly after checking the Crossfit Games site for 19.4, messaging my coach to share my excitement about the workout, sharing with friends that it included “my favourite things”, that the news of a shooting starting trickling through. Initially, I assumed (as I think a lot of us did), that it was someone with an individual beef, a single gun shot, maybe one person injured – big news in our little city certainly, and horrible, but contained, not earth shattering.

I checked with a guy I knew who I was pretty sure attended the Al Noor Mosque to see if he was there, that he was OK, and asked if he knew if one of my workmates was alright. If I had known then what I know now I would never have sent those messages, although I am grateful that, physically at least, they are both OK. He had more important things to be focusing on than answering random texts from me, but as always, he put others before himself and is such a genuinely good human being that he would never have even entertained the notion of ignoring me.

The reality started dawning on us that this was something else, this was truly horrific, unimaginable. This was Terrorism. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, no one was working, we were all trying to get information, checking on people, trying to comprehend the incomprehensible.

Not in Christchurch – Not in New Zealand – Not this – Not here – Not us

I am one of the lucky few who has not been directly impacted by the murder of 50 people in my city. I know people who were there, who survived. I class them as friends, but we are not close, we are workmates, Facebook friends, and because of that part of me feels I do not have the right to be as affected by this as I am, but this is huge, life-changing, I’m not sure I understand the world any more.

I am shocked.

I am sad.

I am sorry.

Friday night, and as the city is reeling, our little community of Crossfitters debates whether the Saturday morning throwdown of 19.4 should go ahead or not. Eventually, after much soul searching and discussion, we decide that it will. In part, as a show of solidarity that Terror and Hate will not, and does not, define us and that we will carry on – forever changed, but resolute in our condemnation of such acts of violence. In part to give us an opportunity to gather as a community to support each other, to pay our respect to the people that have died, and acknowledge the terrible loss that our city and our country has experienced. We decide to sponsor each other for the WOD, with every rep completed meaning a donation to Victim Support. This is the only time the score will really matter.

Saturday morning at the box was subdued, with people sharing their experiences of being in lock-down at work, their children being in lock-down in schools, and telling their stories of the previous day. We shared our disbelief and grief at this happening at all, and the shock at it happening in Christchurch. After taking time to acknowledge the attack, and to have a minutes silence for the victims, we got on and did what we do. We embrace differences, we share in people’s troubles and triumphs and we support each other – always.