Lessons

Week Two of the Open. One week after making the conscious decision to face my inner critic, break down the components of my thinking and train my mental strength.

So far, I’ve identified three core questions to consider, to keep asking until I get to the honest, scary and brutal answer, not giving up and accepting the superficial, pretty, social media answer.

This will take time. If it doesn’t, I won’t have really got to the core of things. I’ll be pushing it under the carpet, again, and best case scenario, it will seep out when I least want it to. Worst case, it will flood out when I can least deal with it, when I have nothing in reserve, and it could break me.

Attempting to work through these ingrained thought patterns and understanding where they come from on a schedule dictated by the Open will not be helpful. Open throw-downs are however the perfect place to practice the tangible lessons I’ve already learnt – but only if I approach them as such. Just like any physical training session, I need to plan what I am going to practice, then reflect on how it went, what I am going to learn from it, and then feed that into the next opportunity.

20.2 was all about focusing on my purpose – why I was taking part, what I wanted to get out of it, and holding on to some key phrases to make that happen.

How did I do?

• Have a plan and follow it through – Tick.
• Think about how it will feel – Tick.
• Be present in the moment, stick to one thing – Tick.
• Focus on the process, not the outcome – Tick.
• Cherish people and community – Tick.

That is the definition of good enough.

I felt good, and proud, and happy. I enjoyed the process, I enjoyed taking part and I enjoyed being part of the community.

When people ask me how I went, my response is based on what I was measuring my performance by, not the scoreboard. It wasn’t perfect, there is certainly room for improvement. I think I had a bit more in me and I would like to learn to push that little bit harder. I tend to err on the conservative side due, I’m sure, to a fear of failure – what will happen if I push too far? It will take the right opportunity to test that one but I’m not convinced that the open is the place to do it – perhaps more something to try in a class WOD. Actually go out and try and win the first round whatever the consequences. I will keep this in mind and pick a workout to test this out – probably once I am feeling a little less beaten up.

This open I have also made the decision to not look at the leader-board – how I am going compared to other people is irrelevant, and while I am still working on my mental strength in truly believing this, there is no need to make my journey more difficult by putting that front of mind. Eventually, I’d hope that I can be strong enough in myself that checking the scoreboard won’t impact my head-space, but until then there is no need to add to the challenge.

So far, this strategy is working really well and is keeping me away from the comparison game and helping me to focus on what is important to me. I’m not quite sure yet how I’m going to play it when it is all done and dusted – perhaps then I’ll take a gander and work through any emotions it throws up then – but I’ve got three more workouts to tackle first.